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| Penang, 2025. Picture taken by Yong. |
Hello again, and Happy New Year to all. I hope you had a good holiday, and I’m wishing nothing but gentle, good things for everyone in 2026.
2025 was rough for me—easily the hardest year of my twenties so far. I left my first job for what I thought would be a better opportunity (which, plot twist, turned chaotic and still kind of is). I lost some of the best people in my life, realised that some of those who stayed didn’t actually have my best interests at heart, and I experienced my first real heartbreak. By the end of it all, I was deeply burnt out, very close to losing my mind—but, well, I’m still here. So I live.
The breakup, especially, really wrecked me (as you can probably tell from my posts over the past few months). The first few weeks, I was genuinely in shambles. It didn’t feel like there would ever be an “after.” Even on my better days, my ex lived rent-free in my head, and it made me feel insane—how could someone who existed in my life for such a short time mess me up this badly?
I tried everything I could to get back up. I really did. I forced myself out of the house, exhausted my body just so I could sleep at night. And you might expect me to say, “and it didn’t work”… but by God’s grace, those distractions—imperfect as they were—actually helped. Not completely, not magically, but enough to slowly lead me back to myself.
01. I started hiking again
Five days after my breakup, I joined my colleagues for a hike at Daralamas River Canyon. The night before, I cried so hard I actually passed out (I have asthma LOL). My mother was worried sick, but I insisted—I needed to go. I’ve always loved hiking, especially for the views.
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| Not from That Trip but I almost cried once I reached this peak because of how beautiful the waterfall was. |
Did it fix me? Not really. It was fun, but once we reached the endpoint, I sat away from everyone and cried anyway.
But after that, my colleagues didn’t stop inviting me. We went hiking almost every weekend, and somewhere along those trails, I realised something important about myself.
I actually want to live.
Every hike came with unfamiliar, sometimes scary trails. And the fact that I was careful, that I felt fear when things looked difficult—meant something. It meant I wanted to survive. I wanted to protect myself. I wanted to keep going.
02. I read again
This one really made me feel like myself again.
Falling back in love with reading was one of the best things to come out of the breakup. Not that being with my ex made me hate reading—it was just that I was so preoccupied with him and his world that I stopped investing in other worlds.
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| Featuring Judin, the cat I recently adopted and forever obsessed with. |
Reading pulls you into beautiful words, complex characters, and perspectives you’ve never lived. I didn’t just meet new characters and fall for them; I saw parts of myself reflected through other people’s stories. It gave me a kind of closure I never really got in real life.
03. Rewatching my favourite TV shows
I will forever defend rewatching shows. I’m on a never-ending Friends marathon (as mentioned in my About page) because familiarity calms my anxious brain. But what I love most about rewatches is noticing things you missed before.
Recently, I rewatched The Haunting of Hill House (which I wrote about here), and it did more than just help me process grief. It taught me forgiveness. It softened my heart. It helped me see things as they were—maybe a little romanticised—and accept that even though it ended, the love was real.
04. Actively writing again
I love writing—if that isn’t obvious by now. It’s my main outlet for everything in my head and heart, whether through poetry, journaling, or something as simple as a review. I put my heart into everything I write.
I’ve been actively blogging again, and my Notes app is constantly full of new poems. Writing helps me process things. Rereading my own words lets me zoom in and out of situations, see patterns, and understand myself better.
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| The poem that recently made its way into my Notes app (not the full version). |
If you’re anything like me—going through a hard season, feeling like you’ve lost a huge part of yourself, or just trying to find your way back—I’m right here with you. Try returning to the things you once loved. It won’t fix everything. It won’t work 100%. But it helps. I promise.
I am not fully healed; on my better days, I feel 70% okay, and I still get as low as 40% okay on my worst. However, I wouldn’t be the version of myself I am today if I hadn’t scrambled my way back to the things that once made me feel alive.
Wishing you the gentlest, best year ahead 🤍
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